Page 217 - The Mirror of My Soul. Vol. 1

Nicolai Levashov. The Mirror of My Soul. Vol. 1. Born in the USSR

duty. He did not mention a word about owing me money for his ticket, his passport and
for staying in Germany. I saw that he was very much afraid that I would re-mind him

about it and would not return him money. It was very unpleasant for me to observe it. In
fact the only reason why he went to Moscow with me was that I had money in my
Moscow apartment.

But his conscience was his responsibility. I had asked him to bring me money to
the border and I was responsible for my words. Therefore, as soon as I reached my
apartment in Novo-Gireevo, I took money and returned him the full sum I had borrowed.
When he got it, he immediately disappeared from Moscow and from my life. I did not
need this kind of person in my cause! His behaviour reminded me of a character from a
children’s TV journal “Eralash”. During a school break a fat boy ate an apple heartily.
Near him stood another boy and observed how his fellow vigorously satisfied his
appetite. When the apple was eaten, the “observer” said with regret: “If I had an apple,
I would share it with you!” The boy with the apple answered him, licking his fingers: “It
is a pity that you do not have an apple!”

My Kharkov student appeared to be an ordinary user who respected only his own

interests. I kept none of the three persons with whom I went to Germany around me.
And the main reason was their avidity. Each of them, to a greater or lesser degree,
thought only about their personal benefit and not about how to make the world better!
They thought only of themselves. There was not a single thought in them about other

people. They wanted to get new abilities only in order to help solve their personal
problems, and that was exactly why they did not get them from me.

It does not mean that I think that people should be absolutely altruistic, not at all. I
personally consider that man should have some purpose and this purpose cannot be
personal enrichment. My opinion is that man should aspire to something high and
wonderful, and money contains nothing of this and never will! Although, we need it to
be free in our world! Money can be only by an instrument, but never—an aim! Otherwise

man will find himself in the most frightful slavery from which he could never get free!

It was quite amusing to hear how my Kharkov student explained his requirement
to return him money. He said that it was his parents’ money and he had nothing to do
with it. However, he asked me to return the money to him. I wonder, whether he returned
it to his parents or also considered that to be unnecessary. What a pitiful picture—for the
sake of money people are ready to lie, betray and act meanly, etc. I was very sad because
of the behaviour of the people for whom I did a lot of good things without requiring
anything in exchange, who I helped with their problems, which they alone would never
solve. And those problems were not only health problems.

When the necessity arose, I took money from my pocket, quite important sums in
those times, and helped without any conditions and requirements. But it turned out that
they thought only about their own interests and never reflected about why I acted this

way toward them. It was also possible that they considered this to be a whim on my part.
But I believed that people must help each other and share everything they had. Did they
really think that I had nowhere else to spend my own money? They did not even know
that when I helped them financially I denied myself something, for example, realization
of my dream, because I considered that it was more important to help these people and
my dreams and projects could wait. But for “some” reason others did not think this way.

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