Page 119 - The Mirror of My Soul. Vol. 1

Nicolai Levashov. The Mirror of My Soul. Vol. 1. Born in the USSR

The many “divine” acts described in religious books clearly reflect only human

concepts about God, the Universe, and the creation of the latter. However, the concept
of the Universe’s structure, which I had already discovered, showed that “holy” books
completely misunderstood the true state of affairs.

I found myself in a pretty critical situation. That, which I had already succeeded in
under-standing and doing, totally refuted the conceptions of both modern science and all
world religions. Whether I wanted to or not, I had somehow placed myself in opposition
to the rest of humanity with its concepts about the nature of the Universe, the origin of
life and man himself. I had good reasons for doubting and worrying, as I unwillingly
challenged the rest of the world.

There was nothing left for me except either to give up my own understanding and
experience and adopt conventional concepts or continue to trust my own experience and
understanding regard-less of anything. I chose the second option, perfectly
understanding in what situation I would find myself because of this decision. To assert

independently that all the rest were wrong, whether they trusted in either God or modern
science was tantamount to social suicide. It would include not only the possibility of
evident and implicit mockery and accusations of madness, but also the possibility of
quite relentless persecution from almost all sides. Well, I would not call this future
enviable and optimistic.

Nevertheless, I chose this very way—not as it might seem, because of my excessive
arrogance, but because modern science was not able to answer my simplest question and
religion is only good for those who are afraid of taking responsibility for their own
actions and instead put it on someone else, in this case, God. Any religion deprives man
of the freedom of choice and his responsibility for what is happening. Besides, as I wrote
before, I had succeeded in doing some things that would be interpreted by all religions
as divine manifestation and a lot of other things which religious books did not even
mention and had no idea about at all.

And, as I already wrote, with all this I did not think that I was God or his messenger.
And this is not out of false modesty or hypocrisy, but because these are my beliefs and
ideas.
I considered that faith in God appeared either at the initial stages of the development
of a civilization, or as a result of the imposition of these concepts on primitive
civilizations by social para-sites. But it was also my understanding that others thought
differently, independent of whether they trusted in God or in modern science.

Unfortunately in this situation I had no so-called “material” proofs of what I had
done. But, I also was not going to prove anything to anyone. It was I who needed the
proof in order that my concepts became my credo; and so that I had not so much as a
shadow of doubt about the possibility that I could, accidentally, mislead anyone. My
errors, if any appeared, should not become a snare for others—this was essential for me.

I always felt responsibility for my acts and could not allow self-deception or the

deceiving of all those who would be interested in my concepts. Exactly this was the
heaviest burden for me personally. Despite it, I continued my advance firmly convinced
that sooner or later I would get the proof that what had happened to me was true, or I
was mistaken. I, certainly, would like to believe in the former, which is quite
understandable...

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