Page 197 - The Mirror of My Soul. Vol. 1

Nicolai Levashov. The Mirror of My Soul. Vol. 1. Born in the USSR

conditions were not much better. If someone were lucky enough to have his own
apartment, it was quite small, but people were ineffably glad to have it, as we were when
my father got a flat measuring 33.6 square meters for a family of five persons.

And the standard of living of the defeated was incomparable with that of the
winners in that heavy war, for that victory my people paid about thirty million lives,
among which there were three men from my family, including my grandfather from the
maternal side! Involuntarily a question arises: who really won in that terrible war? When
comparing the standard of living of citizens in Germany with that in the USSR, the
thought that flashes through one’s mind is—they won.

Certainly, the standard of living in Germany could produce a strong impression on
Soviet per-son in 1990, when there were no normal products in shops, and not only in
remote places, but also in Moscow. But I could not even have imagined that all this
would play such a dirty trick on my helpers, as I thought of them then.

In fact, they deceived not only me saying that they just wanted to work with people,

allegedly in order to gain the “experience” of treating patients: although, as mentioned
before, they did not show much “enthusiasm” in Russia. Certainly, I understood that
they lied, but I had to see, to what limit they were prepared to go, driven by their avidity.

They also could not sleep soundly because of the thought that I earned money and
they did not. They did not reflect at all upon the idea of how and why they came to be in
Germany. They did not want to understand a simple thing; the Germans had only invited
me, not them, who were there because of me. To conduct business and to be close by is
not one and the same thing, and the ones standing around should understand that.

It is also possible that there is guilt on my part in their behaviour. I considered, and
still do that it is indelicate to speak about one’s actions, paying attention to exactly who
has done what. I thought that it was important that the deed was done, but not necessarily
who did it. It appeared that other people thought differently! They thought that if they
sat or stood next to me when I worked, they had the right to share all the “laurels” of my
work. And I involuntarily endorsed that opinion, when instead of saying “I did that”, I
said “We conducted the work”, etc. I considered it to be arrogant to emphasize my role,
and they considered that thus I confirmed the importance of their standing next to me.
But, none of them considered the fact that I did all the work and they were only
observers and witnesses of what was happening. I thought that it would be incorrect to
emphasize my role in important deeds—other people should judge someone’s actions.
And it appeared that those “other people” who witnessed some of my actions drew their
own “conclusions” about their “participation” in the great cause of the salvation of
humanity, no less! And, certainly, they began to behave accordingly.

They saw that I could heal people pretty well and they thought that they only had
to consider themselves to be “great” healers and they would be. Oddly enough, they
believed in this absurdity, and simply considered that they could “wave hands” with the
same ease and effectiveness as I did. In fact they saw a lot of how I “waved” my hands!
However, observing my actions for quite a long time, they still did not understand that

the essence is not in the “waving”, not in that how many times and where I move my
hands, but, in fact, what happens in my brain in the moment of the motion of my hands!
And this is impossible to understand simply observing my hand movements!

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