Page 258 - The Mirror of My Soul. Vol. 1

Nicolai Levashov. The Mirror of My Soul. Vol. 1. Born in the USSR

in my life. The “bleat” of my fellow-students was very funny, but I did not want to

become the next “bleating” ram. I also did not want to repeat dully everything in one
key as I did before and I decided to get through this test maintaining my dignity, as I
thought then.

29. The way to the stage

This time I was “caught” quite easily. The master of the choir asked me to sing
some notes in a certain key and said nothing when I did this. I was very glad, because I
thought that the absence of any comment was a sure sign that I would be rejected!
Relieved, I sang the notes in another key, then another and once again in another. The
absence of comments gave me hope that I would be released soon. I was glad that no
one laughed at me and I was ready to hear: “Young man, you can go!”

But instead I got what I did not expect! The master of the choir said: “Young man,
you have a very unusual voice, both in force and in range. You have both bass-profundo
and octave bass at the same time. You must promise me that you will come Monday
evening to choir rehearsal”. I promised that I would come and of course, I kept my
promise. My friend Michael was also selected and it was great, because we agreed to go
together. Thus, I found myself in the university choir and so, had to appear on stage in
front of different audiences.

I gradually got accustomed to the stage. In fact when you are among other people,
you feel as if you are “hidden”. But even then you can feel the “searchlight” of the
attention of the audience. At least, that is how I felt. It is true that I now did not fall into
a “stupor” after a curtain-rise, but I still felt some agitation inside me. I did not allow it
to get to me, but, nevertheless, it existed. But I had only to concentrate on singing,
instead of the public sitting in the auditorium and all agitation dis-appeared almost
instantly. I was one with the music and words which formed my world at that mo-ment.

The choir members often joked that there were five parts in our choir: bass, tenor,

alto, soprano and Nicolai. The joke came about because during the choral singing I
muffled the whole choir—more than one hundred persons—and when our leader
required all to “give it might and main”, from me he required quite the opposite.

Because of the fact that I involuntarily began to participate in the amateur art
activities of our university, I also had to represent my faculty in the amateur art show.
No one even asked if I wished to do this—I was simply presented with a fait accompli.
One way or another, I had to perform solo for the first time in my life. I did not have any
accompaniment so I had to sing without it. Therefore I said that I would sing the Russian
folk song “Steppe, o steppe around”. My entrance was an-nounced and I appeared on
the stage alone, without that sense of fellowship, for the first time in my life. I needed
no microphone and therefore I walked up to the edge of the stage, thereby burning my

bridges and, tuning in … began to sing.

It was my first solo performance, but it was also my own victory over myself. I was
able to control my feeling of agitation and do what I needed to do by using my willpower.
This was a small victory over my natural shyness. At the same time I did not become a
boor (at least, I hope not), but now I was able to overcome this shyness by the effort of
my will, when it was necessary.

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