Page 269 - The Mirror of My Soul. Vol. 1

Nicolai Levashov. The Mirror of My Soul. Vol. 1. Born in the USSR

travelling all her life, and I understood that she was exactly the right woman, my alter

ego. Even when I understood this, I was in no hurry to tell her, be-cause I thought that
she might misunderstand and I would spoil this wonderful unity of souls.

When Svetlana was poisoned, I decided that she was in mortal danger because of
me and while she was with me it would not stop. Therefore I had to explain everything
to her in order that she could make her choice: either abandon me and go back to her old
life or finally determine her attitude toward me, because I would only be able to help her
(in case of new attacks) if she was with me permanently. Therefore, life itself pushed me
to take action—no matter how worried I was about her possible refusal. I decided that
there was a great need not to delay it any longer.

One evening I called Svetlana and asked her whether she would be free, got an
affirmative answer and came to her at the “Kiev”. I bought a beautiful bouquet of roses
(at least, I thought it was) and entering Svetlana’s room, proposed to her with this
bouquet, offering her my hand and my heart. I was a little worried, but when I heard her

“yes” my joy was ineffable.

When I came back home, my soul rejoiced and I for the first time in my life felt
happy. I al-ways liked the aria sung by Mister X from Imre Kalman’s operetta “The
Circus Princess”. I often quietly sang it, because it resonated with me. The wonderful
words of this aria touched my heart:

The flowers shed their petals on the sand.
No one knows how lonely my way is.

But where is the heart which will love me?
My fate is always to wear the mask.
Although I always acted without a mask, the essence was the same. I thought that
the way I had chosen doomed me to complete loneliness, because it was difficult to
imagine a woman who would be ready to go, together with me, against the current, to
endanger her own life and be doomed to a permanent fight without which my way was
impossible. But such a woman had appeared and now she was beside me. But the most
unbelievable facts about this woman were revealed later, when we began to work
together and past events began to open up for us one after an-other and clarify the truth
about our past...

Soon after my proposal I found an apartment in one of the working districts of
Moscow and we moved to a standard one-room apartment in a standard Soviet dwelling.
The apartment was small, just like all one-room apartments of this type, but it did not
matter to us.

After this event the activity of our far away “friends” grew. The range of devilish
methods of influence they applied was unbelievably wide. The refinement of their
tortures would stir the envy of the most acute sadists and monsters of cruelty.

The ingenuity of Dark Forces to create dirty tricks always surprised me. If only this

ingenuity were directed on something good and creative, instead of destructive. But
these monsters were not interested in creation. There was only one positive thing in this
dangerous situation. In order to strike a new blow every time they had to “drag” out new
“trump cards” from their “arsenal” and, when I put an end to their next despicable act,
fewer and fewer unknown to me “trumps” remained in their hands. Besides, when they

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